Leaving Madeleine - Part 16

IT WAS SHORTLY AFTER 2:00 PM when I left Brigitte's. I needed the time to think, so I decided to walk home. A large part of me wanted to tell Madeleine exactly what happened, but I knew I couldn't. What right did I have to ruin her ability to trust future lovers? Or maybe I was justifying keeping my indiscretion hidden. Either way, what we had was over. At the very least it was permanently altered. No, it was over. This was the first time I had crossed the line with another woman and I wasn't about to soil whatever was sprouting. I was a picaro, but Brigitte had tapped into something so far inside me I thought it had long since left. Once upon a time, everything was pure and beautiful. That was all gone now. But with her I thought maybe I could have something like it again, without the naivety of the other times.

So I'd tell Madeleine I'd lost my phone. And I'd tell myself it was for her sake.  I thought briefly about tossing it into the seine. Then I thought better. I went to a bar (I don't remember which one), had a glass of wine, and left my phone in the washroom.  When I got to Madeleine's, she wasn't there. She was at school. I lied in bed thinking how the bed wasn't mine anymore. Nothing was mine. Everything was different. Everything changed. I was different. I changed.

I fell asleep.


Hours later, I'm not sure how many, Madeleine came home. She had my phone. Someone found it in the washroom and gave it to a server, who gave it to the manager. The manager saw twenty-five missed calls from Madeleine and decided she was the best person to call. Madeleine picked the phone up from the bar after her class.

"Mais pourquoi tu n'a pas m'appeler, ni revenir chez moi?"  she asked.

"I don't know. I was drunk. I couldn't find my phone. I just went home."

"Et qui est, Kiyoko?"

"Un ami." I always found it easier to lie in French. Although this wasn't the lie.

"Je n'ai jamais entendu parler d'elle."

"Okay. What am I supposed to say to that?"

"Je ne sais pas."

All women, at least all that I've known, have an uncanny sense of when a man is unfaithful. It is often not entirely accurate, however the suspicions usually have some ground. It could be the man is simply indulging in thoughts of another woman. What many call emotional cheating. Or it could be worse. Madeleine knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what. I gave her the truth up to when I parted ways with Patrick. From there, I did what I hate. I lied. I told her I bumped into another friend, one she didn't know, and went for a drink. One drink turned into several and without thinking, I stumbled to my own apartment instead of hers. My phone being off for the movie she found satisfactory. Even bumping into my friend. But not ending up at her place bothered her immensely. So did Kiyoko.

I ran out of steam after an hour or so of arguing, thanked her for picking up my phone, and left for Le Danton.

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